When you have anxiety, it can feel as if you are always having to look over your shoulder. One, because anxiety doesn’t knock, it just shows up and without any notice. Two, anxiety can give you that feel like you are being chased. ALL THE TIME. My mind races a lot and can go from 0 to 300 within seconds. My mind would be the fastest car on the drag strip.
You see, the way my anxiety is set-up I’m terrified 98% of the time. I kid you not. Any little thing or sound and my mind will lead it to become a horrific event and I will play out every detail, scenario in my mind. Some I will be able to solve the disaster and others will linger on and stay put in the back of my mind for me to dwell on and analyze. This goes on daily, as it doesn’t take much for my anxious mind to turn anything into a total disaster.
For example, this morning the doorbell rings. I quietly walk to the door to look out through the peep hole. Ummm, stranger danger. Who is that? What do they want? Did I do something wrong? Could it be the police? Could it become one looking to see if anyone home and plan to break in. Is it someone trying to sell something? Is it someone looking for someone, but have the wrong house? The thoughts of who and why there was someone at my door are endless.
Well, I run to the bathroom in a panic to let me husband who is in the shower know that someone is at the door. I tell him, I don’t know who it is, but I’ll see what they want.
I open the door, leaving the screen door locked I stare at the person on the other side of the glass. Yes, is about all I could mumble out. Hi, I’m “The guy that works with my husband”! I mumble. Oh, hello!
Disaster averted. Panic levels go down.
But just the simple ring of the door bell of someone unexpected sent my heart racing and my thoughts racing. I’m always thinking that monsters are waiting in the dark for me. That danger is around the corner.