Since the beginning of the ’80s, books, magazines, blogs and other forms of media have been blooming with the how-to-be-a-good-parent material. Parenting styles have changed a lot since the end of the previous century, along with societies needs and standards. We always want the best for our kids, and we wish to know how to better prepare them for the world. Unfortunately, there is no recipe for such a feat, and there might never be. For now, this is some of the parenting advice research has shown to have the best effect on children.

Don’t ask perfection of them

It is not rare for parents to have the idea that if their children are not perfect in what they do, they will never be successful. Asking too much of them is the main source of anxiety and one of the biggest causes of severe depression in both children and young adults. If you find your child staying up late hours studying for school after going to ballet classes and in between their French and art classes, this just might be a cue for you to ask yourself whether you’re pushing your child too hard.

Be a mentor, not a Dementor

The more you give your children orders and try to control them, the more they will disobey and act out. Don’t make your kids see you as a malicious Dementor from the Harry Potter franchise, but embrace their choices and guide them in a way they approve. They will appreciate your help and guidance as long as you respect their own choices. Inform yourself about their hobbies. If they are having trouble in school, go through their books with them and help them find better ways to study. Find the best VCE notes for them if they can’t find them on their own. Teach them patience and persistence and this will take them halfway to self-reliance, resilience, and resourcefulness.

Teach them the 4Rs of mental health

Mental health is just as important as physical health is, thus you should teach your children to recognize the symptoms of stress and mental illness. Constantly having obligations is the main source of stress in young people. This is where the 4Rs of mental health comes in – rest, reflect, release and relate. Besides being successful in school and other activities, having time to rest and restore energy is a must. Reflecting on their mental state and abilities helps them see where they stand from another perspective. It’s okay to cry sometimes and release from pressure, so teach them to show their feelings rather than hide them. Lastly, friends make up our world. Without relations, our social being is hungry for company and contact.

Don’t overprotect them – embrace their independence

So-called helicopter parents of today tend to overprotect their children, wanting to prepare them for the future as much as they can. This can be a problem since parents often forget that independence is not something they can make for their children. The fault in parenting that comes from the “under the bell” lifestyle is the main reason why young adolescents are incapable of separating from their parents and living on their own. Instead of protecting your children from all the hazards of the world, try encouraging them to accept some real-life challenges.

There is a thin line between being a permissive parent and neglecting a child, and an even thinner one between being protective and controlling, respectively. Before listening to any sort of advice, remember to talk to your children first. No one can know and understand your child better than you. Listen to what your children have to say and they will tell more than you need to know to help them become the best persons they can be.