I have been on an uphill battle with my anxiety. I have seen progress. I have seen that small steps make a difference. I have learned that each person’s progress moves at its own pace and that it can’t be rushed. That my progress may happen slower or quicker, than the next person. It’s not a race and progress should happen at its own pace.
But in the uphill battle, a single word can set me into a tailspin. It can feel as if EVERY SINGLE step forward climbing up the hill, can be tripped by a word and make me tumble down the hill, back to step one. It’s a horrible feeling. Yes, the progress is still there in the shadows, but it can be just as hard, if not harder to climb back up the hill.
A single word can take me back into reworking the pains, picking up pieces, that I has been mended.
A single word can make me doubt everything I have worked up to thus far on the path to not letting anxiety be the boss.
A single word can bring everything around me crashing down.
A single word can put my anxiety into a tailspin. A humongous tailspin.
A single word can change my mood, putting me in a different head space.
A single word can trigger anxiety. It can be a word I’ve heard before, but in the midst of progress and how the word is used, it can become a trigger. It can put progress to a standstill, halting progress. Making it even harder to move forward. It can put progress in reverse and have to work through, relive through, or have flashbacks on things that progress was made on.
Even with setbacks or the progress coming to a halt temporary I have to remember to keep pushing forward, for me. There is no due date for when anxiety will no longer be there and that it can be triggered at any moment, even with a word.
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